I think as creative people, most of us artists like to be in charge of our businesses because we know how we want things done. I've heard many a couple packing up at the end of an art show, bickering about how things should be put away for next time. The non-artist helping partner doesn't think it is a big deal, and the artist feels strongly about making sure it's done right and the helper is doing it wrong.
I get it. Five years ago, my mother retired and offered to help me with my business. After a couple years, I discovered that having my mom be part of my business was a bad, bad idea. I gently redirected her into just keeping me company. Even so, she's at my house up to three or four days a week for most of the day. I wrote a blog about her and we had a great talk today which ended up with her coming over only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
http://www.pencilenvy.blogspot.com/2012/07/ed-mcmahon-and-golden-corral.html
So if you're having a problem with a family member, write a blog about it! Or you could just have a talk without the blog, but I prefer to do things the difficult way.
Hope you're keeping cool... it was 105 in the Chicago area yesterday!
Comments
Wendy, I just thought about this. I am probably on the same side of life as your mom. I have 4 grown boys and they have all moved away. Sometimes I think it is so lonely with them all gone. Other times, I love being a hermit. I never thought all 4 would move away, and so FAR! This past week I was in Nashville visiting one who had just moved into the cutest little apartment. Being a mom, I was trying to be helpful and put some of his things away for him. I think he appreciated it for the most part but he definitly had his own thoughts and ideas about where to put his stuff. lol However, he did appreciate it when I sewed loose buttons on to his winter coat. That was something he never would have done. So, I can see how your mom feels but I can absolutely see how you feel. I wouldn't want someone here all the time either. I need my "hermit" time.
Such good advice, Pat... I was thinking the same thing. For at least two days a week I should manage to be organized and patient and appreciative. Irritation with my mom is really just self indulgance on my part. She is so unconditionally accepting of me, I find myself showing inpatient emotions with her that I would keep hidden from anyone else. She deserves more effort on my part, not less than I give to strangers. I think we can all be guilty of that. We need to be able to relax and be ourselves with our family. But sometimes I'm a little TOO relaxed. There's a beautiful post I've seen a few times on Facebook about an aging mother asking her daughter to be understanding. I'll bet you were very sweet and patient with your mom on her last trip to see her sister. Worth another read:
http://www.klove.com/blog/amanda/post/2012/05/10/Letter-from-a-Moth...
Wendy, Your Mom story is touching and I can relate. As an adult, I never lived close to my Mom. When my Mom was 80, I took her from Minnesota to San Francisco on a flight as she wanted to see her only sister one last time. She had a broken wrist and also couldn't walk well. It was a trying trip to say the least. My Mom has been gone for quite a few years now. As I look back, I'm so glad I took her on that trip. When times are stressful, we all need our space. Make those two days quality time.
My mom is an angel... she does all my folding while we watch movies, she's always eager to help in any way that she can. It's just sometimes hard not to be protective of my own routine and the way I want to do things in my own house. Fortunately, my mom is also made of teflon and doesn't let a thing bother her. I think having her here two days a week will be just perfect and I'll probalby want to invite her more often when it gets to be my choice. So sorry about your hot drive! My art vehicle doesn't have working air conditioning either. It's the worst in this 100 degree+ weather.
Wendy, we weren't very cool yesterday either. We drove a van home from Mammouth Cave home to Michigan that didn't have any air conditioning. We were soaked from sweat! The air coming in the van windows felt like we had the heater on. It was even very hard to breathe!
An algebra torture chamber - I can relate to that!! As much as we love family, it would be hard to have some one at your house all the time. I can certainly understand that. Get some big projects to work on together - like painting a room or a landscaping project. Although, maybe your mom doesn't want to do all that physical work. I'd be happy with my mom fixing dinner a few days a week. Would your mom be happy with a "honey-do" list?
That's so true! That's amazing that you were partners with your Mom for so many years, Nancy. I lost my grandparents in the last few years and it made me think about how terrible it will be when my mom isn't here. I love my time with my mom, it's just difficult to have her here when things are stressful. She's not the problem, my stress level is. I need Xanax or something, I get so freaked out so easily. My mom has been with me most of the week for five years... I adore her and love to give her attention and show her how much I care. But when I'm pulled in eight directions, I just don't want her to get caught up in my stress. Sometimes she tries to make things better, but she makes things worse. I think this is a mother/daughter thing, Greg... men don't always understand the complexity of that particular relationship. Most men don't overthink things or get as emotional as women do. We don't enjoy it, it's just how our brains are wired - some of us more than others. I worry and stew about things constantly. By scheduling two days a week with my mom rather than having every day up for grabs, I think we'll appreciate our time together more. I am really going to try and make sure I'm organized on those days and leave my other projects for MWF.
I also sagree with Nancy..When your mother is dead you will wish she could still be there and wouldn't be annoyed with her frequent visits. We all only live once is life is too short.