And God said, I will smite your tent down with wind and rain and hail.
And Lo, the security guard will raise you from your slumber and lead you to your crushed and sagging tent. He will provide you with light and encouragement in your hour of need.
But beware the False-prophet who will stop and with forked tongue declare your type of tent is banned from many-a-fair, or at least Columbus. He will try to distract you from your work but he will offer no assistance.
And you will lose all hope as you attempt to rid the canopy of the gallons of water that have crushed it. You will void your tent of its water with a pocket knife by puncturing it 9 times. And you will have to break many supports to get underneath it.
The bent and twisted tent will rest on top of your pedestals on your center table. As you raise it up you will discover your ceramics knocked to the ground and jostled to the side, and you will be Sore Afraid. But you will discover that nary a piece is broken, cracked or chipped. And you will be amazed. Other artists will not be so lucky and you will know you have been chosen.
And you will take this as a sign. Your first born son, hearing your wailing and gnashing of teeth, will declare: Father, should we give up, pack and go home? But you will not despair, only wail and gnash some more, then go out in very very early Sabbath morn , and I will provide for you. You will scavenge bricks block, wood and Bar, and you will resurrect your tent from the soggy ashes (and you will remember to seek out the vendors who 'contributed' to your resurrection in the morning's light to explain your thefts).
You will then take inspiration offered from your offspring, remove all the artwork, rearrange your pedestals and tables so as to hide the destruction and the center pole. And you will be grateful that I sent your first born on this expedition to assist you as you cannot do this on your own.
And lo on Sunday morn, the sun will shine, the ravenous crowds will come forth in great hoardes, and they will wonder at your artwork. Any your son will rise at noon.
Man and woman alike will place money and credit cards on your table and you will make many sales, though not as many as the bearded Prophet with the Double wide Skylight kitty-corner to you.
You will be wise, take the money I have provided you in the face of disaster, and you will seek out a new, worthier canopy. You will turn a deaf ear to the vendor across the way who admonishes you for having an unworthy tent from Cosco instead of the superior Walmart pop-up, and you will know it could have been any of the other 20 or more Ez-Ups that escaped my wrath THIS TIME. You will remember the other 4 destroyed Ez-Ups at the fair, and you will know that no foam-swimming-noodle could have altered my wrath. And you will see the light.
You will have a vision of your Sta-Bar you used to support your demolished tent, and you will seek a tent made of that very same mettle and know that it is special, although a bit heavy. And you will purchase a Flourish Trimline with Sta-Bar and you will not look back, lest you be turned to stone. You will know the added weight and time for setup will lead to comfort in trying times and you will be glad you paid through the nose for this tent. You will give me thanks as you carry the Old One to the dumpster as even the zippers will work on your new canopy which always bothered you with the Pop-up. You will be joyful because the Trimline walls will even fit in their carry bag, which the Pop-up never did. You will consider it more than a long overdue investment for the future, it is a gift .
You will be thankful for the three years the Pop-up lasted and know you are meant to upgrade. And Lo, from this day forward light will shine brightly through your own Double Wide Skylight on your artwork. Your Ceramics will be much admired by the descending hoards and will find safe harbor from the fury of the summer storms to come.
And you will go forth and preach the good news to all Art Fair creation and make disciples of your new canopy and break the cycle of the Eternal Occurrence of the Same.
Amen
Comments
we bought stabilizer bars for our EZ up last year and what a difference they made. So much so that we lashed another artist's tent to our during a very windy day at an outdoor art fair. They won't help much for rain but do provide extra support. This company makes them for other tents but they're happy to make them for EZ up. Inexpensive and well worth the money. http://www.flourish.com/ (we bought two sets, one for the 3 walls at the top and 3 at the bottom)
And the Angel came unto me and said "Glo, heed you not the warning of the leaking seams of last years wrathful weather?" " Contemplate the lessons of your betters and avoid the coming of the beast of summer's weather." And I, falling to my knees did reply "Dude, I'm going shopping!"
Leslie, even given that and the cost, it's the ONLY way to go. I have been set up in shear wind conditions, rain where we were standing in 6" of water, water dripping through the tent because it was raining for over two hours straight, continously walking around and pushing up on the saging material (yes, I used clamps) filled with water and then having it pour on me to know you had better get the best. I bought my first one from Walmart 9 years ago for $90 when the frame was made out of steel, unlike the ones made today out of aluminum and most of the metal parts are now made of plastic instead of metal. Other BIG mistake, Material was green, though it did make for a nice green house. Times where the humidity was so high the sweat ran all day so why make matters worse when you have to also fight your tent?
I have now reread this a few times. It gets funnier the more often I read it. You should send this to trimline. You deserve a free tent. thank you for your creativity in pottery and pottery disasters
Gene, I have a tent with a barrel vault and I love it. I lost the peaked tent I had for many years to wind and rain and up-graded to a Trimline. I grumble about how heavy all the parts are, but I sleep better at shows, knowing my tent is designed to hold up to weather. I will never go back to a peaked tent.
You are an inspiration! And a riot too!
To me, the most important comment is the one that pointed out that the barrel vault tent to the right caused the biggest problem. If you don't think so, notice which side of the collasped tent has all the water. Without a doubt, the next tent I buy will be a barrel vaust. Anyone disagree or have comments on this style of tent?
Brilliant writing!
We are lost if we lose our sense of humor, glad that yours is still intact despite having been befallen(?) by so many plagues!
-
1
-
2
-
3
-
4
of 4 Next