Friends as Booth Sitters

I've been lurking for awhile and wanted to post a question...

What do you do when you realize you've made a mistake agreeing that you'll allow a gregarious friend to help you in your booth?

I had a friend who graciously volunteered to 'help us out' for an hour or so and I wasn't sure she was the right fit. Unfortunately, I was right and and it quickly turned into a nightmare. Most of my artist friends know and appreciate how tightly I control my brand and my demeanor is nothing short of casual professional. Because I'm an introvert and shy when it comes to conversation, I've got scripts for every aspect of conversation to nurture sales. I know not to pounce on them and inundate them.

Screaming from the back corner of the booth she shrieks, "What's y'all lookin for?!" OMG. I'm quietly regrouping from her idea of helpfulness. I didn't want to slap my sales guide on her lap to review before she came into our sales tent, but I'm thinking I should have before it became a circus tent. It was then I decided I needed to stand outside of the booth to greet customers in the scorching sun to establish our upscale demeanor.

Can I tell you how my husband Andrew and I agonized over how we would display our items in our plan?!! When there are any modifications we make, we have to collaborate to make sure we both have buy-in so that it doesn't deviate from our brand. We have a good idea of customer psychology and plan for each step they take and each word we speak to establish rapport.

Andrew left the booth for a moment only to return to my friend rearranging our handbags in the back. I thought she was just browsing, keeping herself busy. Oh, she was busy all right. I heard him sharply say,

"What are you doing???"

"Oh, just thought I'd rearrange a bit to..."

He cut her off. "No. Don't do that."

"But..."

"Everything has it's place."

"Yes, but.."

"Leave it!"

So happy 10 years of teaching him how to use the voice of doom to our cats has paid off.

Minutes later we realized we quickly running out of postcards so we took advantage of her presence. Andrew and I agreed that he had to run home and get more postcards (thank Buddha we were local) and I'm standing at the entrance as he walks by and I whisper, "Hurry!!"

Now I'm alone with my ebullient friend. She's a programmer with her own set of life rules and absolutely no sales experience. Her only sales experience is what she's read from the 1992 edition of Business 2.0. I assumed she would just remain quiet in the corner leaving the conversations to me but her effusive presence quickly turned conversations about her rather than my product. I watched this happen a few times and attempted to intervene (and commandeer) with details about the product to demonstrate my knowledge. Customers left my booth bewildered. I never got the chance to follow up with information about my newsletter, giveaway, or give them a postcard to visit my Web site!

When the booth was empty, I gently tried to give her my sales tips and she had a response for everything. *sigh* A gentle nudge and guidance for sales tacking turned argumentative. Lastly, I apologized if I wasn't chatty, but I was there to sell product and form relationships so my eyes were always open and alert.

Minutes later she reminded me that she had to leave to go to the movies and I was grateful. "Andrew will be back soon, so please don't stay on my account and be late!"

Deep breath.

Have you ever had a friend turn menace? What have you done to allay your anxiety and keep your friendship?

Thanks so much!

Lisa

Lisa,

I feel yah!

I read this shaking my head, knowing the type, dealing with a friend who started doing the same yarn scarves as me (I'm doing yarn scarves, silk dyed, and tie dyed scarves) never telling anybody that she got(pried) the idea from me, how to do them, etc.,from me, and in the presence of me, goes to her car and brings in scarves to flaunt ( they are not really nice looking, either :)), almost asking for orders, at inappropriate places ( a benefit dinner). Thank Buddah she lives almost 300 miles from me, or I'd freak.

Another issue about hooking up with the wrong person, is my 'business partner'. She got pushed in by me, almost as a silent partner, due to the fact she has no tolerance whatsoever for risk, in not an entrepreneur, adds zero money to the business, little time because she works. But I wanted to spice up her life, as she is my BFF, and thought it would lift her spirits and help her pocket book. I wanted to share the wealth, or even just pay her for the time she works at the shows. She's in bankruptcy.

I gave her permission to back out as a partner, after she started fretting out loud, and I didn't need her worry contaminating my psyche. She kind of did, but is ,or was, as of last week, still doing some of the work ( dying scarves, was making yarn scarves) . This is mostly because I hold out dying just to include her, trying to accommodate her work schedule.

So much to say here, but she blew cigarette smoke ( exhaled) on a scarf after I told her we would have to be careful not to allow any 'smells' to get into the fiber. " Yes, oh, now you have me worried" she says as she takes a deep drag at her kitchen window, runs to pick up the scarf off the rack and exhales right onto it, totally unaware.

She packed said scarves in MOTH BALLS. I wanted to cry. Okay, I did.

She just told me she felt bad because on our first of only two shows so far ( newbies!), I asked my husband to help me set up the tent for the first time. She was at WORK, is geographically challenged and I hardly needed her to run out for an hour on what would have been at least an hour drive in rush hour, after work...bottom line...very sensitive and I just can't win in trying to make her hectic life smooth by releasing her of any odious task .

She started to get super nervous and worried ( negativity- UGH!) at our July 4th show, that opened at 11. At 12:30, she was asking if there were any sales yet, lamenting, and whining, hand wringing. I said, NO, so what? But, but , but, you spent so much, you need money, you...STOP!!!

I fought back tears. I told her it doesn't matter! It's all practice. The sales will come. The experience is priceless. She said to stop yelling at her ( I was getting high pitched because she seriously wouldn't stop) and that she didn't mean to be negative.

THEN, she was the cash person, I was the charge card person. She mixed up the 'bank' of 115 dollars, with her unknown personal amount of money. I went home with HALF of what I should have. Thank Buddah that earlier in the day, she said she would refuse any money I would try to give her, because I would have owed her five bucks!!!

OMG. There is no way this can continue. I can't be responsible for anybody but me and the business. I feel bad, but she will be hurt but maybe relieved. She has to go, and I am going to do some real thinking before I ask for any HELP from anybody!

Thanks for listening to me, because I am ready to burst.

Jill

Replies

Lois Anderson July 26, 2013 at 8:40pm

Lisa,

Oh, my ... I thought it was just me. My "helper" would stand in the entrance to my booth as if her job was to keep people out. I quietly asked her not to do that and got the evil eye and a 'sigh.' Then, she must have decided I was toooooooooooooooo difficult and started text'ing to a friend. For the next several hours (yes, I said hours) she did everything with one hand because the other hand was busy with her all important texts. When I asked her to please stop the text messages and put the phone away ... I got yet another evil eye and the sigh ... followed by "I can handle helping customers and text'ing just fine." I tried to explain that it is not professional to be sending a text while she was helping a customer or potential customer. This was an awful experience and impacted our friendship because she thought I was being difficult and mean with my requests to be professional, and I thought she was hurting my business and not being the professional image I wanted.

Oh, well ... lesson learned.

Lois
- Chris Hoyt > Lois Anderson July 27, 2013 at 8:20am
  
  Unbelievable.
  
  How on earth did we as a society even survive before cell phones and text messaging?
  - Genmarie Stiber > Chris Hoyt August 7, 2013 at 11:35am
    
    These posts make me shake my head.
    
    Business is no place for partnerships. I've been in business for 23 years and the most important lesson I've learned is I can't have a business partner. I've built my business, I know how I want my business run and I'll take charge of the ups and downs of the business. That all sounds very self-centered but in the end my friendships are valued and not affected.
    
    Too many times, when I've had "help" at a show, I've heard a helper say something to a customer I wouldn't think of saying or giving them the wrong information. You can't/shouldn't correct them in front of a customer. That would be completely unprofessional.
    
    I have two workers that "get it" and I pay them well.
    
    It's a tough call but if it's your business, stand your ground and make it work.
    - Jill Burstein > Genmarie Stiber August 8, 2013 at 1:10pm
      
      I agree with you, Genmarie.
      
      I have never had a partner, nor wanted one, in any of my businesses. I stupidly thought it could work. I was trying to 'give' something that the person couldn't receive. It was all about me, not her, and my friend had to have her feelings hurt when I had to back her out of the business that she really didn't want to be in.
      
      I like being ALONE. I like calling the shots. People are everywhere to bounce ideas off of, and I can hire help that suits me.
      
      Lesson learned. I hope.
      
      Jill
Jill Burstein July 8, 2013 at 7:24pm

Lisa,

I feel yah!

I read this shaking my head, knowing the type, dealing with a friend who started doing the same yarn scarves as me (I'm doing yarn scarves, silk dyed, and tie dyed scarves) never telling anybody that she got(pried) the idea from me, how to do them, etc.,from me, and in the presence of me, goes to her car and brings in scarves to flaunt ( they are not really nice looking, either :)), almost asking for orders, at inappropriate places ( a benefit dinner). Thank Buddah she lives almost 300 miles from me, or I'd freak.

Another issue about hooking up with the wrong person, is my 'business partner'. She got pushed in by me, almost as a silent partner, due to the fact she has no tolerance whatsoever for risk, in not an entrepreneur, adds zero money to the business, little time because she works. But I wanted to spice up her life, as she is my BFF, and thought it would lift her spirits and help her pocket book. I wanted to share the wealth, or even just pay her for the time she works at the shows. She's in bankruptcy.

I gave her permission to back out as a partner, after she started fretting out loud, and I didn't need her worry contaminating my psyche. She kind of did, but is ,or was, as of last week, still doing some of the work ( dying scarves, was making yarn scarves) . This is mostly because I hold out dying just to include her, trying to accommodate her work schedule.

So much to say here, but she blew cigarette smoke ( exhaled) on a scarf after I told her we would have to be careful not to allow any 'smells' to get into the fiber. " Yes, oh, now you have me worried" she says as she takes a deep drag at her kitchen window, runs to pick up the scarf off the rack and exhales right onto it, totally unaware.

She packed said scarves in MOTH BALLS. I wanted to cry. Okay, I did.

She just told me she felt bad because on our first of only two shows so far ( newbies!), I asked my husband to help me set up the tent for the first time. She was at WORK, is geographically challenged and I hardly needed her to run out for an hour on what would have been at least an hour drive in rush hour, after work...bottom line...very sensitive and I just can't win in trying to make her hectic life smooth by releasing her of any odious task .

She started to get super nervous and worried ( negativity- UGH!) at our July 4th show, that opened at 11. At 12:30, she was asking if there were any sales yet, lamenting, and whining, hand wringing. I said, NO, so what? But, but , but, you spent so much, you need money, you...STOP!!!

I fought back tears. I told her it doesn't matter! It's all practice. The sales will come. The experience is priceless. She said to stop yelling at her ( I was getting high pitched because she seriously wouldn't stop) and that she didn't mean to be negative.

THEN, she was the cash person, I was the charge card person. She mixed up the 'bank' of 115 dollars, with her unknown personal amount of money. I went home with HALF of what I should have. Thank Buddah that earlier in the day, she said she would refuse any money I would try to give her, because I would have owed her five bucks!!!

OMG. There is no way this can continue. I can't be responsible for anybody but me and the business. I feel bad, but she will be hurt but maybe relieved. She has to go, and I am going to do some real thinking before I ask for any HELP from anybody!

Thanks for listening to me, because I am ready to burst.

Jill
- Stephen White > Jill Burstein July 9, 2013 at 11:54am
  
  Hi Jill,
  
  It sounds as though she at least likes some of it if she is refusing money yet spending time on it. One approach might be to talk with her about conflicting styles and suggest that she come up with her own complimentary line that employs many of the skills she has picked up so far but not in direct competition to your work. The two of you could then support each other doing the same shows but each have control over your own line of work. She can fret about hers and you can be calm cool and collected and you can both let your creative styles develop independent of the other. Once you are each back on equal footing your friendship can shed the recent baggage of an unbalanced partnership and you two can get back to enjoying each others company again.
  - Jill Burstein > Stephen White July 26, 2013 at 10:34pm
    
    Stephen,
    
    You are a diplomatic counselor, for sure. This was about two different women, however. The first is a firecracker, and I seldom have to deal with her in person. But she a good friend, and I wish her well in her business.
    
    The second is my local best friend. She is super sensitive, and is one of the folks that takes friendships and obligations on to her detriment. I may have eased out of that one, however, as I am doing a farmer's market and it's about a mile from both of us. She told me to call her if I needed her, so she is understanding that the two of us makes a crowd, but is on call for tent set up, etc.
    
    I have avoided having her dye or help make things, or even use her as a sounding board.
    
    Thanks for your input.
    
    Jill
- Lisa Stewart > Gini Weslowski May 23, 2011 at 2:31pm
  
  Thanks, Patricia.
  
  I think there's a world of difference when you plan to bring help vs a friend who insists on being there for an hour. I thought, "What could it hurt?" Yikes! ;)
Andrea Robinson March 14, 2012 at 2:18pm

Mostly, I work alone. It's easier that way.

It also happens that my best friend is an artist, so we do a lot of shows together with adjoining booths. I'm a silversmith and she makes hats, so we have no problems with "stealing" customers from one another. It's an amazing friendship to have if you can make one work. We still like each other after 3 years.

I have also made friends with other vendors and one couple (they also make jewelry) volunteers their daughter to watch my both if I need a short break. She understands how things work, which is a real treat.

When you do a lot of gigs in a small area, it starts to feel like a big, extended family, and I love it.
Teofana Beckwith November 25, 2011 at 6:34pm

I tried once to have a helper other than my husband or my daughter, and will never do it again!

My SIL is the same kind of a chatty person, and being a school teacher she presumes everybody is more ignorant or more stupid than her (sorry for the harsh words, but my thesaurus is missing LOL). Once she volunteered to assist me at a craft show I was doing at a regular basis. I said OK, as I had an appointment in the very beginning of the show, and her knowing my craft and most of the prices I thought it'd be nice to have her there for awhile. In my horror, when I came back to the boot after being missing for no more than 45 minutes, I discovered that she brought with her merchandize she made, literally copying some of my things, and was offering hers one for an average price of $10 less than my were listed for! The show was at the edge between fall and winter seasons, and I was was hoping to sell many knitted hats, shawls and gloves (I work with all kind of fiber in all kind of techniques). I just asked my husband to deal with this - she's his sister, not mine, and suggested that she at least evens the prices with mine ones. No luck. No luck with the suggestion she at least pays 1/2 price of the booth's fee. Well, my luck came when some person she knew came and took her for a walk- I was able to talk with the custommers and start selling.

Did I mention that her talks and chatting just was driving the custommers away?

The funniest thing happened when she came back and realized I am selling my merchandize to the price I was asking for. Not to mention she never managed to make a sell - I did one for you.

But after this experience - no helpers at all!

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